April 17, 2008
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3:19 A.M.
Okay, here it is, in all it’s glorious detail ( if you find it boring, sorry, it can only be what it is ) the long awaited rattlesnake/full-auto story. First of all, before any of you smug types write me off for being a flake for just getting it up now ( no points for all you smartasses who think you’ve just thought a clever joke there ), the reason it took so long is that the star of the incident, Spc. Jared De Luna, formerly of the 82nd Airborne and a combat veteran of both Kosovo and Afghanistan, has just now at this very moment become available to tell the tale with that eyewitness-thing. Like I said, I could’ve repeated it, but thought this would be better. The in’ car salesman with the in video has still not been able to get it off his phone and on my computer, so that footage ain’t here yet, but I’m gonna try to scan some pics in. If you don’t see any at the end of this post, that means that didn’t work. )
Okay, so like I said, Jared, Jordan the car salesman, and Wong, aka “Yellowneck” of “Young Americans” went out to first do a little four-wheeling rampage before the main event which was to annihilate the desert and whatever sinister creatures might be lurking about in it with….Wong’s new FULLY AUTO M-4 carbine. ( Which costs over 8 grand for a piece of metal about as big as both of my thumbs put together, which is the “device” that makes it fully-automatic ). After some landscaping by tire, futile attempts to climb a rock wall, and non-chemical induced launches into space, they disembarked with the magical, brand new, expensive, and completely legal wand of death and….’tell you what, I’m now handing over the keyboard to the paratrooper himself, to just lay it all out. He’s warned me the infantry can’t spell, but I may be too lazy to clean any thing up, so whatever follows….
Jared here speaking, now. I’ve had a long day working and many beers and have to get up early, so no time for punctuation and the likes: So me, wong and the used car salesman find an area with a lot of stuff to shoot and blow up with our loads of explosive tanerite. We began destroying some televisions and random abandoned items with the exsplosives, an ak 47, 40 cal glock, 3.57, wong’s toy and my M 4. We soon destroyed most of the targets and half the hillside so i moved down range to set up some more targets and a rattlesnake lurched out from under what was left of the tv and drew my 40 cal but did not engage because fear of ricochet given the rocks and the angle. Like a fool ( I was a little adrenaline crazy ) I pinned the rattler with a stick and yelled to my trigger happy squad who immediately came to provide the desperately necessary backup to kill it, but suddenly we couldn’t get a clean shot cause it slithered quick as lightning back under the tv. Still foolishly determined, me and the car salesman alinged as he pushed the tv over and exposed the open, angry target. Like New York cops outside a nightclub we instantly began to uleash a hail of fury with my 40 cal and his 3.57. Like champs we blew the snakes head off, splayed his ass in several pieces BUT he was still moving. As we unleashed the second wall of lead I screamed at the top of my lungs HE’S STILL MOVING, CONTACT FRONT, CONTACT FRONT LIGHT HIM UP! After I and the car salesman spent our mags, Wong ran forwad with his full-auto boom stick like a GI after a bulgarian whore, dumping a 30 round mag into the rocks about five feet in front of him, missing the remains of the ancient killer. With all 30 rounds the intestity of his rifle sent little humming bullets buzzing by mine and the car salesman’s head, and i felt a sharp slam about 6 ” from my wang on my thigh I looked down at my pants and noticed a small whole in my pants and went to turn to the trucks and felt a little burn on my leg and figured a hot shell must of hit my leg and realized i was having trouble standing on it. With my pants now around my ankles I stared at the pinky sized gaping whole in my leg oozing blood and had a pain in the back of my leg as if some one punched me from behind. Which was a bad sign, cos the hole, the entry point, was in the front of my pants. Had it been a bit of rock that had flung up and nicked me, I would’ve only felt the pain at the front, where a simple rock shard gouge would be. Now a bullet or frag would be felt towards the back of the thigh, once it had slammed in and found it’s final berth. So, I yelled to my compadres IM SHOT! They replied, not without confusion “No way man, are you joking?” I replied, “NO! there’s a whole in my pants and leg and its bleeding!” Wong, after assesing the wound insisted that a rock must’ve flipped up and scratched me. ( Bear in mind Wong was the shooter, and shooting rapidly and closely, and probably a little embarrased) So me, the car sales man and brandon now debated on whether the bleeding wound wich impailed my leg was infact a bullet or rock. I’m bleeding, there’s a whole in my leg, pain shifting around to all different places, groin to shinbone, and we’re having a casual debate like forensic ballistic experts. We all came to an agreement as people drove by staring at the two military-looking guys and the pot-bellied, hippy-ish car salesman in Docker shorts with a holster and large pistol, looking like he has no business near a handgun, let alone a giant .357 he’s sort of waving around – one of us with his pants down and all of us staring near his crotch, clinging to our guns. So i made the call and said FUCK IT! the days still young weve got alot of ammo and gas so let tread dirt and kill some … by the way a 3.57 and a quale = pink mist and feathers and maybe there little feet after getting my truck high centered with no wheels on the ground and then bogged down with water in the intake we decided weve pressed our luck for the day and should head back. after returning to the house i had little strength and dont remember much but everyone was discusing wehter i should be taken to a hospital because i was looking real pail and felt like barfing and was having some trouble walking, i dont remember going to the hospital but remember the x ray tech saying yup you’ve been shot, the police being called in to protect there staff and the nurse asking my girl if she could help calm me down and a surgeon digging through my leg and wong waiting in the lobby. 3 days later i wound up in the hospital with a bad infection and hating the VA.
Just remember i made it through Afghanistan with out getting shot until I went shooting with a marine in Arizona! Airborne. I think I may actually be the first Army guy Pat has let post on this more Marine-oriented site, so I’m not missing the opportunity to get my shot in. As it were.
I owe my final thanks to Pat as he talked sense into everyone, didn’t let me go to sleep and made sure I got to the emergency room. I’d almost bought the rock theory, luckily he knew better. Also, he wants me to tell you about my some of my experiences in Afghanistan, including the time when I proved that an ass-puckering experience like stepping on a bouncing betty and having to stand in place for 30 minutes before you find out if your going to die or not can make you end up ting yourself but…. sorry, I’m short on time so i fill you in later today on that and some other stories.
Also, it’s too late to screw around with getting the scanner working, so pictures will be up later. And hopefully we’ll get that damn cellphone video posted as well.
3:55 A.M.
4:01 P.M.
It’s funny how “sophisticates” mock those who believe in things like God, and worship at the altar of science. For some reason, both modern science and psychiatry ( ie, secular priests, which is what psychiatrists are ) seem often no different from witch doctors, shamans and alchemists, as many of the central tenets and beliefs of each change every few years, often in a completely 180 degree fashion. From global cooling to global warming to crap like this. Why put so much faith in both science and psychiatry when yesterday’s truth so often becomes today’s fallacy. I’m not saying to abandon science, but I am saying putting so much faith in the human mind and it’s favorite deductive process, may not automatically be so much better than what is revealed and given to man by a legitimate spiritual journey. Once upon a time science and spirituality were married. Some idiots somewhere decided they needed to be divorced. For no good reason. But that’s a lengthy topic….
5:10 A.M.
5:12 A.M.
5:24 P.M.
Franchie sent me this video of her husband:
5:45 A.M.
Love. Hurts.
6:28 A.M.
Okay, for all you Government workers with a full 8 hours to kill, and all you true political junkies (nerds? no, never), here’s a complete transcript of last night’s debate between Hillary and Hussein.
7:53 A.M.
This just in via email literally two minutes ago from a close friend stationed in the green zone. Whose quarters have all the safety of a conex box because….they are a conex box:
“dude, indirects been crazy today, been hit about 3 times. in sand storms got visibility less than 200 meters too.”
9:07 A.M.
This is the face of the cheerleader who was beaten up by the gang of other girls. Here’s the video of her first interview.
9:13 A.M.
Another email, 1 minute-old, from the Green Zone. Apparently, the bombardment restarted after the first shoot ‘n scoot. This is the living picture of “diplomacy” with Iran at work. Talk solves everything, didn’t you hawks know that? : “Make that another round for hajii, ers got us dialed in pretty good. Wonder if theyll let me sleep tonight.”
6:44 P.M.
Out much of the day, back..
9:03 P.M.
I just found out that a professor at a Philadelphia college has assinged his class to monitor this site for the next few weeks, and write papers about it. There’s apparently some other guy at Georgetown who has done something similar.
9:06 P.M.
9:21 P.M.
Colbert’s warm-up to Hillary’s appearance:
10:25 P.M.
Hussein gives Hillary the Finger.
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