Germany To Blame For Terrible Smell Engulfing England
It wafted in on the morning wind, setting off a spate of panic calls to the emergency services.
And every one asked the same question: What’s that terrible smell?
Police, fire and water services were at a loss to explain the manure-scented cloud which afflicted great swathes of the South.
But with the wind in the East, it soon became clear that our Continental neighbours were to blame - and almost certainly the Germans.
Over there it is muck-spreading season for farmers wanting to nourish their crops. In a country where pigs make up the of livestock, there is ample supply of particularly pungent muck to spread.
And the fear is that, if you’ve already smelt it, things are unlikely to change the rest of the weekend.
German weathermen admitted that a change of wind direction had sent the smell, or “der gestank” as they call it, across the North Sea just as the stuff in the fields ripened to stomach-churning levels.
From the moment commuters set out for their offices and children to school the stink was detected yesterday morning from Suffolk to Surrey, west to Berkshire and even down to the south coast.
No respecter of royalty, it even lingered over Windsor Castle. A spokesman at the Berkshire town’s tourist office said: “When I left home this morning the smell was virtually unbearable but we haven’t had any complaints from anyone so far. I think the Queen is in. I hope she has her windows closed.”
Britain is more used to south-westerlies bringing clean, unscented air from the Atlantic. But the switch to the east means it has swept across large tracts of Continental agricultural land before reaching British shores.
A Met Office spokesman said: “We’ve had quite a few calls. Apparently it’s quite an organic smell - and anyone living in the country will be quite familiar with the term organic.”
AEA environmental consultants, who are responsible for measuring air quality in Britain, were quick to double check whether there were any unusual pollutant levels in the air.
But air quality expert Geoff Dollard said nothing unusual had been detected. “The feeling is that it’s natural,” he said.
“Maybe there’s some large scale muck-spreading going on.”
Which, in fact is the case in northwestern Germany. In the port city of Hamburg it was so bad on Thursday that Bild Zeitung, the country’s biggest newspaper, reported: “The entire city had its nose in the air. It was worst in Blankenese (a well-heeled suburb) and in Othmarschen like a cowshed. Tears were streaming down faces. It smells like, it is like, it stinks like - MANURE!”
Germany’s heavily-regulated farmers have been allowed to sprinkle nature’s delight on their fields since February 1. But with the cold winter weather lasting into spring, most have waited until now.
Hauke Jaacks, a farmer in Rissen, sprayed more than 5,000 gallons on his 25-acre plot.
“Sorry about the smell,” he told his countrymen. “But you have to put up with it. I need the grass to grow to feed my cattle.”
At the German Embassy in London nobody was willing to apologise for the smell. Staff had not noticed anything unusual in the air and pointed out if anyone was looking for another country to blame, the French coast was “much nearer.”
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yeah, apart the yardley rose smell that embodies them, the Brits think that the others stink !
April 19th, 2008 at 2:28 amSome Royal Marines from the Iranian confrontation not too long ago wanted to surrender immediately to the Germans and get their free Lederhosen. They thought it was a WWI style gas attack.
April 19th, 2008 at 3:18 am“In a country where pigs make up the of livestock, there is ample supply of particularly pungent muck to spread.”
BASH - is Louie sporting a smug smile today?
April 19th, 2008 at 3:35 amThe next time my girlfriend asks, whats that smell? when we’re in the car. ill just say dont blame me, that fart smell is coming from Germany
April 19th, 2008 at 6:10 amLMFAO
The Germans know the problems with the muzzies in England.
April 19th, 2008 at 6:37 amBrings a whole new meaning to “Pay Dirt”.
nice fucking chart, bring one like that to the next congressional hearings.
Petraeus: as you can clearly see this red arrow indicates the shit stink emanating from the left half of the halls of congress and spreading throughout the country.
April 19th, 2008 at 7:06 am
hegelbot that was classic bro 
April 19th, 2008 at 8:29 amGosh
And the french didn’t even notice it….
April 19th, 2008 at 8:54 amAs the farmers would say, “It smells like money!”
April 19th, 2008 at 8:55 amSerfer62
no, the cheezes stink even more
April 19th, 2008 at 8:59 amI use to work in a college campus in another state. Every spring they would spread fresh manure from the cow barn on the plants around campus. You could drive the main road past the campus and smell the ambiance.
I feel their pain…
April 19th, 2008 at 9:32 amMy god, where’s Al Gore in this green crisis. Just think of all that CO2. This is a global warming disaster. Wait, send President Carter; he knows how to work with and around der gerstank.
April 19th, 2008 at 11:24 amEver been around a feed lot? Smells like money to some…
April 19th, 2008 at 11:48 amDoes this make Germany the New Jersey of Europe?
April 20th, 2008 at 6:16 amDan;
April 20th, 2008 at 6:54 amcowshit doesn’t even compare. Pigshit is king of stenches.
Rubbish, I live in the area where, according to the map, the smell came from. There was definately no unusual smell here. It was probably one of our new secret weapons being tested on britain!
Klaus
April 20th, 2008 at 10:06 am