September 7, 2008
6:44 A.M.
Time Flies. seems like this wasn’t even here yesterday.
11:39 A.M.
A Brief Story Of The Voice, Part 4
The moon of Iraq is insane. At 5:00 the whole country goes pitch black, and you can’t see a foot in front of your face. At about 11:30, the moon appears on the horizon, and does this sudden 30 minute rocket ride to the apex of the heavens and suddenly the whole land is lit up by a Herculean torch in the sky. As the hellhounds howl and growl through it all.
So yeah, it was just after midnight and I stood outside of the luxurious Camp Fallujuah’s press hootch which was housing just me tonight, prepping to enjoy one last cigarette and a an ipod song or two. Camp Fallujah was a safety zone far enough of outside of the city that it’s arguably misnomored. Tomorrow I would leave for the dreaded and legendary capital of hell on earth itself. The remains of the Jihadi Fallujah, not this American Mall version I was at for the night. Which was fine by me for many reasons, one being that I was on a camp full of pogs and it literally had an ill effect on me.
I lit the Marlboro, hit shuffle on the ipod, and up came this song ( I recommend just letting it play while continuing to read):
Under present circumstances its dirge-like nature was freaky but unmetionable enough. However, the arc light moon above caught my eye. As God is my witness, a little cloud, in the precise shape of the silohuette of the grim reaper began to pass over the edge of the moon right as this beautiful angel starts singing something that I’m making out to be about dying…in the cold…which it very much is in Iraq right now …my sister told me she was going to die, in so many technically not precise but actually precise words….I lock my eyes onto this cloud, this Grim Reaper silhouette again, because I know it’s bullshit, that’s not really the shape…”I’d like to die” she’s singing again…”Where were you when I was lonesome..” which just made the whole song seem so perfectly tailored to the here and now cos every bit of friend and family I had had been cut off from me for weeks and weeks… “locked away in freezing cold”) so yeah I’m deadlocked onto this cloud only to see that I was dead right in the firs.t place, God damn, can you fucking believe this, that fucking thing is a perfect replica, chest up, of the Grim fucking reaper, and this song just comes on about dying and I ain’t psychic but I have had just under a handful of truly powerful and mostly disturbing precognitive experiences and this damned to hell cloud won’t change shape at all as it passes slowly taking full minutes, and the button called random brought me this song, one of the most simultaneously beautiful and sad and entirely about death freak you out meditations that I’ve ever heard and the voice isn’t even human, it’s a goddamn angel, and the cloud’s still the same as it drifts and i just say out loud to myself and God above “I’m going to die in Fallujah. What the fuck? Why you gotta tell me this now? Why not just let it happen? I don’t need to know this shit, do I?”
“I don’t wanna swim the ocean
I don’t wanna fight the tide
I don’t to live forever
When it’s cold, I’d like to die”
She’s singin’ and I’m smokin’ and now pacin’. Laugh, but when your in a place like that you’re constantly seeing signs in your mind posted everywhere.
Continued Shortly
1:58 P.M.
Hussein on the defensive. You know you’re on the losing side of things when your pussy ass starts talking about being “bullied.’
4:30 P.M.
Click here to listen to tonight’s Jihadi Killer Hour.
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