A Belated Happy 69th Birthday To Fukkin’ Chuck Norris
A 1000 pardons, Chuck, for the oversight.
Dollard Nation would like to extend a very Happy Birthday to one of our heroes.
Wiki’s Fukkin Chuck round-up.
Carlos Ray “Chuck” Norris (born March 10, 1940) is an American martial artist, action star and television and film actor who is known for action roles such as Cordell Walker on Walker, Texas Ranger and for his iconically tough image and roundhouse kick.
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Norris is a Republican, often championing the views of the party. Norris has donated more than $32,000 to Republican candidates and organizations since 1988. On January 26, 2007, Norris filled in for Sean Hannity as a co-host on the popular Fox News Channel debate program Hannity & Colmes alongside Alan Colmes.
Chuck Norris supports gun rights and ownership and is against public schools condoning homosexuality. He does not believe in the theory of evolution but subscribes to intelligent design.
On October 22, 2007, Norris announced his endorsement of Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee for President.[20] Norris said, “I believe the only one who has all of the characteristics to lead America forward into the future is ex-Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee.”
On May 10, 2008, Norris was the commencement speaker at the deceased televangelist Jerry Falwell’s Liberty University, addressing a graduating class of more than 4,000.
After the 2008 presidential election, Norris drafted a letter to President elect Barack Obama, stating that he should uphold the Constitution, protect the rights of the unborn, and not follow the precedent of the past U.S. Presidents.
On November 18, 2008, Norris became one of the first members of show business to express support for the California Proposition 8 ban on same-sex marriage, and he heavily criticized the gay community for interfering with the democratic process and the double standard he perceived of criticizing the Mormon Church without criticizing people of color.
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1. If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
2. There is no ‘ctrl’ button on Chuck Norris’s computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.
3. Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.
4. Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
5. Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay’s potato chip.
6. Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.
7. Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
8. Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
9. Guns don’t kill people. Chuck Norris kills People.
10. There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
11. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
12. The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
13. There is no chin under Chuck Norris’ Beard. There is only another fist.
14. Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
15. The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
16. Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
17. Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
18. Chuck Norris doesn’t go hunting…. CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.
19. Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
20. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
WAIT, there’s more Fukkin’ Chuck Facts to be had … right here.
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If all the Repubs had his cajones, wow, we’d be kicking Obuma’s butt by now.
drill,
FYI, Chuck doesn’t accept apologies, he COERCES them.
Happy Birthday to Prime Chuck.
Chuck is the man, no question
Ghandi used to be a Nazi until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him in the face and told him violence wasn’t the answer.
Chuck Norris’s tears cure cancer….too bad Chuck Norris never cries.
Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72… and they’re all poisonous.
Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris sheds his skin twice a year.
Chuck Norris’ house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.
When the boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks the closet for Chuck Norris.
In Pamplona, Spain, the people may be running from the bulls, but the bulls are running from Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there
Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth’s atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.
Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren’t the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.
Chuck Norris doesn’t actually write his posts, the words assemble themselves out of fear.
Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
Chuck Norris invented the bolt-action rifle, liquor, sexual intercourse, and football– in that order.
Superman once read a post written by Chuck Norris. He then cried himself to sleep.
Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake instead of a latex condom.
When God said, “let there be light”, Chuck Norris replied, “say ‘please’.”
Chuck Norris doesn’t sleep… he waits.
Chuck Norris doesn’t read books… he stares them down until he gets the information that he wants.
OMG, you guys are so funny. Even with the raw languange, they’re still funny.
Chuck Norris has always been a favorite in my family. Mom watched Walker, Texas Ranger faithfully.
The one thing that I didn’t know, until just now, was that Chuck and I share the same birth date, just different years. Chuck was born 03-10-1940, I was born 03-10-1956.
Chuck, I hope your birthday was sensational, for you certainly deserve it!