The one thing that I didn’t know, until just now, was that Chuck and I share the same birth date, just different years. Chuck was born 03-10-1940, I was born 03-10-1956.

Chuck, I hope your birthday was sensational, for you certainly deserve it!

Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.

Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris sheds his skin twice a year.

Chuck Norris’ house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.

When the boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks the closet for Chuck Norris.

In Pamplona, Spain, the people may be running from the bulls, but the bulls are running from Chuck Norris.

When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.

A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there

Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth’s atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.

Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren’t the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.

Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.

Chuck Norris doesn’t actually write his posts, the words assemble themselves out of fear.

Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

Chuck Norris invented the bolt-action rifle, liquor, sexual intercourse, and football– in that order.

Superman once read a post written by Chuck Norris. He then cried himself to sleep.

Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake instead of a latex condom.

When God said, “let there be light”, Chuck Norris replied, “say ‘please’.”

Chuck Norris doesn’t sleep… he waits.

Chuck Norris doesn’t read books… he stares them down until he gets the information that he wants.

FYI, Chuck doesn’t accept apologies, he COERCES them.