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The Three People I Talk To Everyday



May 9, 2009 36 Comments ›› Pat Dollard

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18:54

The three people I talk to every day are God, the devil, and death. The idea that death wears a hood or shroud is ridiculous to me, because every time he’s stepped up to have a conversation with me about personal matters, he’s done it by shoving his face right into mine, making it very clear who he was. And it always is clear, because there is no shroud, and each and every one of the features of death’s face, every crack, slope, angle, and scar are indelibly etched in my memory. He never announces himself before speaking because he’s never left my side, and he’s never dropped out of the conversation, I’ve just forgotten he’s there because he hasn’t said anything in a while. And he always answers should I initiate a conversation, but mostly just with not-so-clear purposeful looks, and some sub-species of a smile, like a smirk or a grin. A few times I’ve been able to come up with the right question phrased the right way, and he’s answered, and I got to know my life a little better. In general, though, I not only don’t speak to him, I try to forget he’s my constant companion, ignoring him, because I don’t like him.

Mostly, I’m left to wonder if God or the devil are speaking to me, or answering my questions. Their form is left to my imagination. Death, however, lives to real himself entirely, to let us know everything we need to know about hime, while still alive.

A week ago to the day, in this “Deep Thoughts” column, I wrote about my day being consumed by helping save the life of a man I don’t like. I ended the post with this statement: “I’m left to wonder what this is all about”. In four short days, Death startled me by announcing that one of the three most important people in the world to me was now in his clutches, their fate at his discretion. She is still here, at this moment, while he decides just what do with his prisoner.


  • Johnny Doe

    Damn, Pat.

    Damn.

    “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.” (Psalm 23:4)

    Stay strong, brother.

  • Scoot

    I had my mom pass away in Feb. of 2000. I experienced an emotion that I never felt before, and one that I don’t want to feel again. One thing that emotion did to me, was to change me. It changed me for the better, because it told me to live my life, and to not just “go with the flow”. My mom told me a few months before she passed, that if you weren’t living your life like you want to, then what’s the purpose of living?

    I take comfort knowing she’s in a lot better place now with no pain, and I believe she is doing more for me now than she ever could while she was walking on this earth.

    She also told me that things happen for a reason, and that everything always works out for the better even when you think that everything is falling apart in your life.

    Death of a person that is close to you, be it friend or foe, has an amazing effect on people…it changes them.

    Hang in there Pat. You have a lot of people here that care about our fellow men and women.

    • Scoot

      We are also here for prayers, and I know a lot of them are being sent your way.

    • amy

      Scoot,
      Sorry for your loss. I don’t want to think about my mom going. Know it’s going to happen, but jeez, it’s gonna hurt when it does. They do so much for us. And yours sounded like a good one. God knows, there’s some bad ones too! They never leave you, though, do they? My mom still feels the loss of my grandma in little ways, and she’s been gone for almost 40 years.
      I don’t personally know Mrs. Scoot (obviously) , but from what she posts on here she seems like a good woman, so your mom left you in good hands.
      Happy Mother’s Day to all you mother’s out there.
      Pat,
      I’ll keep her (and you) in my prayers. Maybe it will come out alright.

    • Scoot

      Thank you very much for the kind words Amy. Much appreciated. :smile:

  • Sandy

    Sorry you are having such a difficult time right now Pat. Thoughts and prayers are with you.

    Now we see things imperfectly as in a cloudy mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely. 1 Corinthians 13:12

    And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:38-39

    Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

    http://christianity.about.com/od/faqhelpdesk/p/newlivingtransl.htm

    • http://ftfreedom.blogspot.com/ littlefox (Honeymoons for Heroes)

      THANK YOU for posting….Just what I needed to read!
      Food for the soul
      and the sword of the spirit!

    • Sandy

      Hi LittleFox. Those quotes, among others, have seen me through many rough times. Especially when running on empty.

  • mike3481

    Pat,

    Part of me (the noble part) believes that you have been chosen for a task. And that you’re constantly being tested for whatever reason, what that reason is I have no clue.

    But this, I now know, at the age of 19 I was duped by the media and academia, which resulted in my casting my first Presidential vote for Jimmy Carter.

    TO ALL; for a moment, think about what it takes for a Conservative to admit the above.

    My common sense and innate conservatism prevailed in 1980 with Reagan and I felt confident at the age of 23, I knew how the world worked. I was so wrong.

    Then Reagan won the ‘Cold War’ when the U.S.S.R. collapsed. I thought I knew how it came about, vis a vie the U.S Defense budget and subsequently bankrupting the Russians as they tried to keep up.

    But, again I was wrong. Pope John Paul II and Lech Walesa played a role that were nearly as important, if not more so than Reagan, not to mention British Prime Minister Maggie “The Iron Lady” Thatcher.

    Then in 1990 (when I started listening) along came Rush Limbaugh, exposing the American Left for who & what they are. And hot dang, I had it figured out this time. No way. I was wrong again.

    Pat, Rush Limbaugh to my knowledge has never mentioned the ‘Frankfurt School’, the Obama parallel with Lincoln, he never vigorously pursued the Obama birth Certificate (from wherever) story, Kenyan Passport, Indonesian Passport, Muslim education, Frank Marshall Davis, the Leftist politics of all his known (actual) relatives and possible relatives, not to mention all the other shit that sticks to Obama like super-glue that the MSM ignores.

    You, Pat Dollard, have disseminated information to the WORLD that to my knowledge has either not been disseminated at all or has been disseminated so poorly it’s of no consequence.

    Thus my belief you are now and will continue to be constantly tested by the three you’ve mentioned.

    Some entity has very big plans for you.

    Your gut instinct is correct.

  • Jonny Mordant

    Just some shit I have to re-read from time to time…

    :arrow: “No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear.” – C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed

    “Part of every misery is, so to speak, the misery’s shadow or reflection: the fact that you don’t merely suffer but have to keep on thinking about the fact that you suffer. I not only live each endless day in grief, but live each day thinking about living each day in grief.” – C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed

    “Talk to me about the truth of religion and I’ll listen gladly. Talk to me about the duty of religion and I’ll listen submissively. But don’t come talking to me about the consolations of religion or I shall suspect that you don’t understand.” – C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed

    “God has not been trying an experiment on my faith or love in order to find out their quality. He knew it already. It was I who didn’t. In this trial He makes us occupy the dock, the witness box, and the bench all at once. He always knew that my temple was a house of cards. The only way of making me realize the fact was to knock it down.” – C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed

    “It is hard to have patience with people who say ‘There is no death’ or ‘Death doesn’t matter.’ There is death. And whatever is matters. And whatever happens has consequences, and it and they are irrevocable and irreversible. You might as well say that birth doesn’t matter.” – C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed

    :arrow: “Courage is not simply one of the virtues but the form of every virtue at the testing point, which means at the point of highest reality.” – C.S. Lewis

    :arrow: “Courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway” – John Wayne

  • http://www.newsandprayer.com Wanda Fay

    My first experience with death was to see my precious mother at her mother’s funeral. But nothing compared to the pain of seeing my own mother dying of cancer at age 41. I was in my early 20′s. I had the sweetest mom. I HATE death and it ever lives with me too Pat knowing how it strikes and strangles not only the victim but the loved ones who remain. I pray against it with warrior prayer and every fiber of my being at times that it does NOT take too early! Still it strikes like a viper. The devil comes to steal, kill and destroy but I have come to give life and life more abundantly Jesus said. He did take the keys to death and hell, but death still remains an enemy of which we do what we do through prayer, intercession and other means gathering together in WAR. I buried that excruciating pain with the attitude of life goes on and I am going on. I did, but crashed later like I never had before or would again-that-for another day. The Bible says the last enemy is death. Knowing there is a heaven and my mother and all my loved ones and others who have died in Christ are there gives me the greatest comfort of all. I know without a shadow of doubt I will see my mother for all eternity one day but not a day too soon for there is much to do and much to live for and at 58 I am just getting started and the BEST is yet to come! We MUST live ON! We MUST overcome the GRIEF that death strikes with! Pat you are one of the anointed of the LORD for such a time as this. You may not know it as I know it for you, but you know it in your own way-ALWAYS give glory to Him for the victories! My prayers, my deepest WARRIOR prayers are with YOU Pat and your loved one! I pray for a miracle and leave the outcome to HIM not leaving an ouncec of doubt to the devil! My prayer for YOU, knowing you have already been through the valley of the shadow of death before also is that you see beyond this shadow of death and rise above, rise again with Christ who died and rose again from the dead. We are ALIVE NOW and will be raised, but the dead in Christ will rise first and we will meet them in the air ever to be with the LORD for all eternity and I comfort you with these words from the book of II Thesalonians. Not to be religious here Pat and all the great warriors who have gathered for this other war we have. Three wars, spiritual, war on terror and now war on the evil grip of all the isms that would try to take this country into death! Death to death!! I say with LIFE! Love, and hugs to you this hour Pat. Thank you so much for sharing your heart! That’s what I so love about you! -Wanda Fay Happy Mother’s Day to my precious mother and to all the mothers out there! Peace, comfort, healing and love to you Pat and your loved ones with all my heart!

  • tlk

    The LORD is good,
    A stronghold in the day of trouble,
    And He knows those who take refuge in Him.

    Nahum 1:7

  • SgtJenz

    Our own mortality presents the challenge of our lifetime. Never an easy proposition to face. Some of us have seen the “elephant” and survived the encounter though the purpose may be unclear.
    Life goes on. Be strong and vigilant for at times life is fleeting, the bond fragile. Out of the valley of the shadow of death you shall emerge victorious, for it is from death we know the value of life, we learn to embrace our own brokenness, while God shapes and forms the mettle of our souls in the forge of virtue. The battle rages around us, awaken the warrior, his time has come.

    Semper Fidelis Pat

    • tlk

      while God shapes and forms the mettle of our souls
      _____________

      For you created my inmost being;
      you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

      I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
      your works are wonderful,
      I know that full well.

      My frame was not hidden from you
      when I was made in the secret place.
      When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

      your eyes saw my unformed body.
      All the days ordained for me
      were written in your book
      before one of them came to be.

      Psalm 139:13-16

    • kim

      “we learn to embrace our own brokenness, ”

      I think in brokenness we learn the greatest lesson of who we are when we give it to God. Only God knows how to break us perfectly, for unlike Satan, who exploits our brokenness to make us feel unworthy, God lifts us up out of our brokenness to heal, to see that we are wonderfully made, to know that He has a better way, and to understand the depths with which we are loved by Him.

      Pat, Ii pray that you would be able to rest in Him.

    • Johnny Doe

      Nicely said.

  • ghostie alix

    Mr. Dollard, i think you possess a certain prescience, and you gained entry into that house by virtue of your conscience and intent. whether your passport was your brush with death, or your association with good men and bright minds, i don’t know.

    but the fact is you speak a shit-ton of truth, and you sure do make me think.

    i’ll keep you and your loved one in my prayers…

  • http://www.newsandprayer.com Wanda Fay

    To Pat Saturday night or rather about 2:30am PT Sunday morning Mother’s Day 05-10-09

    My first experience with death was to see my precious mother at her mother’s funeral. But nothing compared to the pain of seeing my own mother dying of cancer at age 41. I was in my early 20′s. I had the sweetest mom. I HATE death and it ever lives with me too Pat knowing how it strikes and strangles not only the victim but the loved ones who remain. I pray against it with warrior prayer and every fiber of my being at times that it does NOT take too early! Still it strikes like a viper. The devil comes to steal, kill and destroy but I have come to give life and life more abundantly Jesus said. He did take the keys to death and hell, but death still remains an enemy of which we do what we do through prayer, intercession and other means gathering together in WAR. I buried that excruciating pain with the attitude of life goes on and I am going on. I did, but crashed later like I never had before or would again-that-for another day. The Bible says the last enemy is death. Knowing there is a heaven and my mother and all my loved ones and others who have died in Christ are there gives me the greatest comfort of all. I know without a shadow of doubt I will see my mother for all eternity one day but not a day too soon for there is much to do and much to live for and at 58 I am just getting started and the BEST is yet to come! We MUST live ON! We MUST overcome the GRIEF that death strikes with! Pat you are one of the anointed of the LORD for such a time as this. You may not know it as I know it for you, but you know it in your own way-ALWAYS give glory to Him for the victories! My prayers, my deepest WARRIOR prayers are with YOU Pat and your loved one! I pray for a miracle and leave the outcome to HIM not leaving an ounce of doubt to the devil! My prayer for YOU, knowing you have already been through the valley of the shadow of death before also is that you see beyond this shadow of death and rise above, rise again with Christ who died and rose again from the dead. We are ALIVE NOW and will be raised, but the dead in Christ will rise first and we will meet them in the air ever to be with the LORD for all eternity and I comfort you with these words from the book of II Thesalonians. Not to be religious here Pat and all the great warriors who have gathered for this other war we have. Three wars, spiritual, war on terror and now war on the evil grip of all the isms that would try to take this country into death! Death to death!! I say with LIFE! Love, and hugs to you this hour Pat. Thank you so much for sharing your heart! That’s what I so love about you! -Wanda Fay Happy Mother’s Day to my precious mother and to all the mothers out there! Peace, comfort, healing and love to you Pat and your loved ones with all my heart!

  • http://www.newsandprayer.com Wanda Fay

    Sorry for sending that last one twice Pat. I wasn’t sure if it went through the first time. Hope you have a better day today! -Wanda

  • Lottie

    Pat: You have many who feel your grief. The only thing to get you thru is the suport of friends but only time will make the hurt find a place in your heart so you know its there and is always ready to show up when a memory of them is recalled.

    Today is Mothers Day For me it is just another day. Its a day that I recall times past of my mother and Grandmother. They were the ones that made this day important to me. Iam also a mother I have two daughters and three grandchildren. I love them all so very much. My relationship with my daughters has been bitter sweet. If you don’t expect anything you will not be disapointed but even that kind of thinking only fools me.

    Pat I would like you to know for me you have been a friend even though we have never met. I have had an outlet for my thoughts, ideas, feelings. A place to pass on the information I come across. I know I piss off a lot of people sometimes with my coments and ideas. But everyday several times I look forward to you web site Pat Dollard, Active, and Blogtalk Radio. Its something that keeps me connected to a world of hope for all mankind. I have renewed my faith in God and it keeps me strong enough to not just giveup , and give a good fight for what is the truth, and what is our God given rights as Americans put in our Conistution over 200 years ago. I see this as a war of morals and you are the one that keeps this possible. You are a leader we will follow to make this fight sucessfull or die trying. We are all united for a common goal and God is there for us to enable it to happen.

  • American Woman

    “Those who have the ability to serve, and the opportunity to serve, have also the duty to serve.” Cicero

    “Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying.”Whom shall I send? And whom will go for us?” And I said ,”Here am I ,send me!”
    Isaiah 6:8

  • Lottie
  • http://snooperreport.com Mark L Harvey (aka Snooper)

    Saddle up.

  • http://www.thebandofmothers.com Beverly Perlson

    Pat, I’m sorry for this sad time.

    I lost my father in 1981 and my mother in 2001. They did a great job on this earth, I loved them more than life itself, and then I believe God took them home. He left me here and I know I’m suppose to do a good job too. All of us are.

    Pat, the work you have done here is so good and worthy and noble. In your grief, please hold on to goodness.

    You are in my prayers.

    Beverly Perlson
    The Band of Mothers

  • http://www.thebandofmothers.com Beverly Perlson

    Pat, I’m sorry for this sad time.

    I lost my father in 1981 and my mother in 2001. They did a great job on this earth, I loved them more than life itself, and then I believe God took them home. He left me here and I know I’m suppose to do a good job too. All of us are.

    Pat, the work you have done here is so good and worthy and noble. In your grief, please hold on to YOUR goodness.

    You are in my prayers.

    Beverly Perlson
    The Band of Mothers

  • Nanny

    Pat – You and your family are in our thoughts and prayers. My father passed away from cancer in 2005 and I still have a broken heart. He was such a wonderful father and grandfather. At the time I had not spoke to my brother and his family for years but we all came together and put our differences aside and Dad got to see us all together. It was tough but we did it. I will never forget Dad and what he did for our family and his country that he served in WWII. Even in his dying last days he had us in full belly roll laughs and stayed true to the way he loved life. I sat in the garage with him while he had his last beer and smoke and then back into the house to irritate my mom. We all must live our life like it was our last. While it is hard to see a loved one pass away, the greatest gift given in death is to continue living your life like your loved one would want. God Bless Pat.

  • Snowman

    Pat – The mere fact that you have created a vehicle for people of this caliber to find each other and come together at this time is a sign unto itself, thank you. My prayers are with you.

  • Sandy

    There is no worse feeling than wanting to help someone we love so much and being unable to do so.
    It goes against our nature of being strong, in control, and needed. It forces us to see our own mortality with no deception. It is stark each time.

    I hope you are making it through this as best you can right now Pat. We know you are no stranger to suffering and death as you have seen it up close and personal more than most. We are all praying for your loved one, all who knew her, and for you.

    The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18

    … the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Deuteronomy 31:6

  • Tom in CO

    Hey Pat,

    Just think it might be appropriate to document the meltdown going on with mark cuban as his mavericks collapse to my Nuggets :D

    Hey did complain to Kenyon Martin’s MOTHER about how Kenyon Martin is such a thug (in a bad way).

  • billie

    I don’t know where to post this. The accdf website won’t let me log in. It keeps saying my user name is “invalid.”

    • SgtJenz

      You have to login with your “username”. If that is different than your displayed name “billie” won’t work.

  • TennesseeVolunteer

    Pat, I know how you feel. right after I was appointed Tennessee Active President, my Mom came down with a life threatening illness and has been fighting hard ever since. Between the constant 500 mile trips, taking care of the family and keeping a business going during this economically challenging time is hard.
    I can’t totally understand your loss but I can feel it coming. Seeing the Mom who followed me to all of my football games and who got so excited during one game while jumping up and down, well you can guess what happened. It is my favorite story about her because of her love for me and honesty about a human thing that all of us do one time or another. Hell, we all pee our pants!
    Pat, strength will come back to you seventy times seven. Now you have one more angel watching over you. Use this time for your Mom, yourself and your family.

  • MustangSandy

    Pat, I’m so sorry to hear about your struggles. I went through that with my mother. I had to watch her go little by little in a nursing home. I had no choice about it as my sister was legally responsible for decisions and I could not talk her into letting me take her home with me. It was heartwrenching, and I still have angst over it, 5 years later. I wanted so much to take care of her but could not. I hope that my mother forgives me now. She used to beg me to take her home. I’m crying even now as I write this.

    You do find more strength and purpose in your soul after a fight like this. It makes you realize what is really important, and its not anything money can buy. Hold your loved ones while you can and be sure you tell them you love them.

  • http://aussie-depot.com Tim Harless

    After all of the hoop-a-la of life and death…….
    Get up, brush yourself off, and keep going. Not an Obama quote, My Mother-in-law said that years ago. After I lost my Mother.

    Another favorite saying of mine comes from the Marine Corp
    Lead, follow or get the _ _ _ _ out of the way!
    Which are you doing?

  • Bob P

    Hang in there Pat. All is impermanent. Including grief. We can only think one thought at a time. Focusing on breath can bring a moment of relief with some practice. You are loved by many here. :beer:

  • Lottie

    Pat: I havent heard how your moms doing I hope ok. Sometimes our life gets caught in things that we have no control of were so busy living it but don’t see death when its staring us in the face. Thats why its so important to get our prioties in order so we don’t waste time on things that really don’t matter. You have a great opportunity to really make a diffrence to others on ACTIVE and PAT DOLLARD I thank you for your effort to seek the truth so we may all see past the smoke screen of life and see that we all can make a diffrence. We have become a famly we share our thoughts, our dreams, our grief, fears, hopes, sorrows, our opinions even if not in agreement with others.