Today in a surprise eruption (labeled the Great Spew) volcanoes Kilauea and Mona Loa both blew their tops today. Scientists tracked the surprise eruption as it obliterated the entire Hawaiian island population with one unexpected blast from all of the active volcanoes in the area. Hawai`i, Maui, Moloka`i, O`ahu, Kaua`i and Ni`ihau were all immediately replaced by one very large crater and lava flow. The new Island of O`bama was names in honor of the most notable victim of the blast. The resulting island of O`bama is nothing more than a smouldering hot gas cloud. This island will not be habitable for at least the next 10 years until the gas and lava flows cool into something that is likely to resemble a big black pimple on the ass of the Pacific Ocean.

Scientists hypothesized that the cause of the eruption was a small sink hole (the Sink) that spontaneously formed in the area. The sink hole may have been caused by the tremendous vacuum (a.k.a. “The Suck” )that had formed around the former presidential winter white house. The Suck formed The Sink which triggered The Great Spew.

The world rejoiced at the event despite the loss of life due to the immediate resulting changes. It appears that Global Warming has disappeared, the global economy has stabalized and 10 Million jobs were spontaneously created in the United States alone. The United States also enjoyed an additional benefit as the United Nations as well as The Senate and House of Representatives were also consumed in the event.

Oh yeah, he’s always on vacation.

Well fuck, at least it was at his own house and not a $4,000/night digs during a economic depression.

Wasn’t it Marie Antoinette that said “let them eat cake”?

Apparently he thinks we are to do the same.