Joe Francis Tell-All Excerpt: Paris Hilton Smuggles Coke In Her Vagina
Sep 8, 2010 17 Comments ›› Pat Dollard
Excerpted from Gawker:
He explained that he was in France and needed a big favor from me, something he couldn’t trust anyone else with. I was flattered and he knew it, so I was listening. At that time, he was in a real, grown up relationship with Paris Hilton. He said she was flying out to meet him in a few days and needed me to get something to her. In short, he needed me to go to my drug dealer and get him twenty hits of ecstasy and four 8-Balls of coke. For the uninitiated, an 8-Ball of coke is three and a half grams, or something that would fit in a small marble bag. Well, first he needed me to go to the office and get a check from Michael, the controller, for the money; then I needed to go buy the and get it to Paris before her flight. I asked how the hell she was going to get all of that out of the country on a plane, and he said not to worry about it, that she would handle it. For my trouble, he said he would buy me an 8-Ball of my own with the money. He gave me Paris’s number and said he would call in a few days to check in. He thanked me profusely and then we hung up. Looking back, I have no idea what kind of life I was leading where that type of phone call was normal. It didn’t even seem odd to agree to this type of favor with legal troubles still hanging over my head. Maybe it’s just really hard to get drugs in Western Europe. Or maybe this was a test—a test of my loyalty. Maybe he wasn’t even in France. Sh*t, I’m more paranoid now than I was then.
We walked in, and she was naked. She was waiting for her next dress or whatever, but had already taken off her old dress. For the record, I’m a big fan of that move. She asked me if it was any trouble getting it, and I told her not really. I took out the Camel box and handed it to her, and she thanked me. We talked for a minute or two about the apparent difficulty of procuring those drugs in Europe. I asked if she was flying private, and she said, “No, commercial.” And then as politely as I could, I asked her how she planned on traveling with that amount of blow and X. She held the box in her right hand, and then with an underhand swoop like a lower case J, she demonstrated exactly how she intended to beat airport security. She even whistled as she did it. A little alley-oop with the Camel Box, straight up her snatch. Classic. Right after that they came in with her next outfit, and she put it on. She said we could stay for a
while and watch, but we were tired, and our work there was done. We hugged, said our goodbyes, and my roommate and I went back to the car to go home. I don’t think we said five words to each other the entire car ride. I spoke to Joe a couple weeks later. He thanked me again for the favor and said it all arrived safe.
